It's a Girl {September-October 2018}

After we got home from camping, my pregnancy continued to go well for several weeks. I'm always pretty nervous until I get into that second trimester because of the miscarriage risk. But like clockwork at 8 weeks, I started to get morning sickness, or as I like to call it, every minute of the day sickness. I knew that was a good sign. As miserable as it was, being sick always gave me that reassurance that things were progressing.

At 9 weeks, two days before my first doctors appointment, I started to have some complications while I was at work, I thought I was miscarrying. I headed straight to the doctor and they did an ultrasound to check on the baby. Mike wasn't able to be there because he was at school. I was so scared to be by myself. When they put that probe on my belly I was in tears. I thought for sure there wouldn't be anything there. The image started to appear on the screen and I was so relieved and happy to see a tiny little heartbeat and a very active baby. Here's the first picture we got of sweet little Paige. 

They told me that I had a subchorionic hematoma. They are very common and I actually had the same thing happen when I was pregnant with Jace. But even knowing what it was and having experienced it before, it still scared me. I continued to live with the fear that I could lose her.

We went to my scheduled appointment two days later and she still looked great. Her heart rate was high- 190's. The ultrasound tech seemed worried about it and went back to check it several times, but when I asked my doctor he said he told us he wasn't worried. I tried not to stress about it, but of coarse I got on doctor google to look up what could be causing a high heart rate. Not the best idea.

Fast forward four weeks to my 13 week appointment. We chose to have all of the genetic testing done. I've always done all of the testing with my pregnancies, not because it would change anything, I would love my baby unconditionally regardless of anything. I just always had the thought that if something were going on, I'd want to know as soon as possible so that I could prepare myself emotionally and have all the resources available to help my baby have the best life possible.

They performed the ultrasound of the neck and it measured perfectly. Her heart rate was back down and everything looked good. I stopped by the lab on my way out to get the coinciding blood work drawn. I didn't think a thing about the lab work the rest of the day or over the weekend.

Monday morning came around and I got up to take my boys to school. I left my cell phone on the counter by accident. When I got home 10 minutes later I had a message from my doctor. He told me not to worry just yet, but that my genetic screening had come back with an increased risk of down syndrome. 1 in 89 chance. For my age that was high. I was absolutely beside myself. I immediately called them right back, barely able to speak through my panic and tears. I asked them what we do from here. They told me I could wait to do the second round of the genetic testing at 17 weeks, or come in that day and have a special test drawn called the maternit21. It's a test that's about 99% accurate in detection of chromosomal abnormalities and that I qualified for insurance to cover it because of my high risk lab results. I told them I couldn't wait, I wanted the test done right away. 

I got dressed and headed into the office. I balled all the way there and just sat there and cried as I waited for them to call my name. In hindsight, it seems so silly now. So many worse things could and DID happen, but at that moment my world was crashing down thinking that something might be wrong with my baby. I loved her so much and I couldn't help but think about all the scary complications this could entail.

They drew my blood and told me that it would take a week for the results to come back. I thought that was the worst week of my life. I laid on the couch and just cried. I was so anxious I couldn't sleep or eat. I spent countless hours researching online, which only made my anxiety worse.

The next Monday morning I had waited long enough. It had been 7 days and I couldn't stand it any longer. I messaged my doctor to ask if he had heard anything. About an hour later, my phone rang. It was the doctors office. I was shaking so bad I couldn't even pick up the phone. I finally answered and the nurse told me that the genetic testing had come back and that it was negative for all chromosomal abnormalities.

I was so incredibly relieved. The nurse told me that although it was a very accurate test, that it was still a screening. I knew that I wouldn't be able to relax until my 20 week ultrasound when I found out that everything was okay with the anatomy scan, and even then I don't think I would truly be able to breathe a sigh of relief until my baby came out okay.

While I was on the phone with her she told me that she had the gender results and asked if I wanted to know. Through all the stress I had completely forgotten that when I had my blood drawn the week before, they told me that this test would be able to tell us early if our sweet baby was a boy or a girl. I was so excited! As tempting as it was to find out right then, I asked her if she could put the results in an envelope so we could do a fun gender reveal with the boys, we hadn't even told them I was pregnant yet. I told her I would be in to pick it up. I also asked if I could just come in and hear our baby's heartbeat. After everything that's all I wanted to hear.

I went in at noon and the doctor came in with the doppler and I just sat there and cried as I listened to her heart beating away. I laid there for a good 5 minutes. I was so happy everything was okay with her. On my way out, I grabbed the gender results at the front desk.

We did a cute little scavenger hunt to tell the boys they were going to be big brothers. I had dreamt about this day for such a long time and had been all over pinterest trying to find ideas. They were so excited! After we told them the news, we told them that we had another surprise... a big balloon for them to pop so that we could find out if they were going to have a little brother or a little sister. We initially wanted to do a big gender reveal party after our 20 week ultrasound, but that obviously didn't go as planned with everything that had just happened. I remember we were just aching for some happy news and Michael and I both felt we couldn't wait to find out any longer... so we decided that we just wanted it to be the 4 of us that night when we found out. I'm so glad we did it that way. (sorry most of these pictures are still shots from videos, so they're kind of blurry)

I can’t quite explain the complete elation we felt, especially me! In my house full of boys, I would finally have my girl and we would get to do all the fun girl stuff every mom dreams of! Bows, hair, cute clothes, dress up, princess movies, shopping, school dances, eventually planning her wedding, throwing her baby showers and witnessing the birth of her children.

That night, we drove to all of our families to tell them the news. My mom was so excited to have her the first grand-baby girl. She went out the next day and bought me a pink maternity top, and some cute pink bows and pacifiers. Mike's parents were so excited for us too!

Over the next several weeks, I couldn't help but continue to be worried about why my blood work was off in the first place. It wasn't like that with my boys. It was bugging me so much that I ended up calling the office back later and asked what levels were off in the initial screenings. The nurse told me that a hormone in my blood called PAPP-A was low and my Beta HCG was twice what it should be. I looked it up and that's the first time "Placental Insuffciency" came up. I asked my doctor at my next appointment and he confirmed that the low PAPP-A hormone could be an indicator that I could have problems with the placenta and with my history of hypertension he said he wouldn't be surprised. He wasn't extremely worried about it. My blood pressures to that point had been amazing. I don't think he or anyone had any idea that this lab was probably the first little sign that something was going very wrong.